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Why Did The Prophet Cross The Road?

Why Did The Prophet Cross The Road?
(To Wage Jihad Against the Crusading Infidel!)

Cartoons Depicting the Prophet Mohammed (all in full color)

This is without a doubt the most challenging part,of the most difficult project I have ever undertaken. In these few brief paragraphs,I must attempt to convey to any who chance upon them an understanding of my attitudes,my sympathies,and my motivation in assembling what is obviously going to a controversial work,and one prone to misunderstanding and misinterpretation.

It is doubly difficult because insult is not an intrinsic component of my makeup,but nonetheless,I have set out to be as insulting as my wit will allow,to an individual I have never met,and whom I have every reason to believe was a wise,insightful,and honorable man. Hence,it must be understood from the outset that the targets of my satire are those arrogant individuals who set themselves up as the interpreters of the word of God,and spokesmen for this venerable individual who would undoubtedly condemn their superficial understanding and violent methods.

Indeed,I have the greatest respect for freedom fighters everywhere. I admired the Mujahedeen when they valiantly opposed the Soviet invaders,and I admire them today in their resistance against their current occupiers. One can admire their foe,even as they seek to oppose them. Sadly,this entails a form of honor that is too often absent in these days of waging war from afar,guiding deadly drones from the comfort of a cubicle somewhere in Langley,Virginia,‘World’s Best Dad’ coffee mug conveniently positioned on the warrior’s desk blotter.

If it is not obvious by now,I am not a ‘My Country Right or Wrong’ kind of Jingo patriot;nor am I a ‘raghead this’ and ‘raghead that’ stfyle bigot. My preferred orientation is one of respect for all people’s beliefs,cultures,and rights. I have worked hard to overcome the indoctrination of American exceptionalism,and to parse the mist of nebulous mythos so I can understand my national heritage as it really is;for only by accepting the bad can one truly appreciate the good.

For me,there is one central good:generations of brave,selfless men and women have devoted their lives,often sacrificed those lives,for freedom. Sometimes those efforts may have been misplaced,but always,the ideal was pure,and to that we must pay honor.

Although it has been abused,misused,and of late,completely ignored,our Constitution is more than simply a symbol of our freedoms—it is their very blueprint. An attack on the rights identified therein is indeed an attack on America.

When someone from across the globe,through threats of violence,seeks to abrogate those freedoms,that,my friend,really is an attack on the United States of America. That is where I choose to draw my line in the sand,and this book is that line.

We Americans may bicker vehemently about issues great and small;over health care,social programs,global warming;but make no mistake,when our freedom is threatened,we will take up our swords,stand shoulder-to-shoulder,and…kick some ass!
My dear friends,my family…the many people who truly care,have all cautioned me about the dangers I would be facing by publishing something of this nature. All I can do is to reassure them that whatever the outcome,I am walking into this with eyes wide open.

Throughout our history,patriots have faced this same question,and concluded that there are some things more important than personal safety,more important than life itself. I always wondered if I would ever find that cause worth dying for. It’s with an actual sense of consummation that I can say I finally have.

When we allow some maniacal zealot to frighten us into silence,we betray the ideals for which those we most honor have fought and died.

To all of those more moderate individuals of the Islamic faith,those who truly understand and adhere to the teachings of The Prophet,I humbly apologize. Irreverent and derogatory as this book may be,the insult is not directed toward you. I assure you that I respect your beliefs. What I present here is simply my best attempt to administer the same slap in the face to extremists that their threats represent to me,and to all freedom-loving Americans.

To paraphrase Merle Haggerd:They’re Walking on the Fighting Side of Me!